[TLV][IC Inbox]

[reargunner]

ᴛᴇxᴛ | ᴀᴜᴅɪᴏ | ᴠɪᴅᴇᴏ | ᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ



Leave a message if you want. I'll get back to you when I pick my comm up.

Or I won't.

Comments

[inthebiblicalsense]

[Pressing his lips together, Abel sucks in a breath and resettles, turning so that he's facing him more directly, legs crossed under him.]

Okay, so I'd like to ask some questions, and the answers might seem like they should be obvious, but...I want to hear it from you, rather than just assume. And if you want, you can ask me questions too, if something comes to mind?

So, to start with, do you want to label this? Like, would it bother you if someone asked me if I had a boyfriend, and I said yes?

[reargunner]

[Something does feel like it eases slightly at that first, somewhat unexpected question. He laughs softly, reservedly even, and then shakes his head.]

Fuck no. I'd love it if you said yes to that.

[He'd love that a whole lot, in fact.]

I kinda figured that was where we were at after... everything.

[inthebiblicalsense]

[Abel's shoulders had been painfully tight, and he can feel them relax just a little.]

See, I wasn't sure. Which is why I wanted to talk about this. I've been told quite often that when I assume, it isn't good for anyone, and...I'm not going to lie and say having little to no communication hasn't made me a little uncomfortable after how we started before. [He turns his hand palm up in unspoken offering of his hand if Alexei wants to take it and marches forward.]

I've never done this before...and I want to do it right, because you're important.

[reargunner]

Hmm.

[He takes the offered hand, briefly pulling it up to his lips to kiss the back of it.]

Been a while for me too.

[Doing the whole... being a boyfriend thing. He knows the chances that he's been given are more than he ever deserved and he's grateful to have been allowed that opportunity to show he can be better than the person he was when they met.]

I've been trying to do right by you, you know? Be someone that deserves you.

[inthebiblicalsense]

[Abel smiles, not letting go of his hand after he's kissed it. But the way he words that, he pulls their linked hands closer, holding them in his lap.]

Alexei... I appreciate the effort, but that's work we both have to do, right? It's not just you fighting to keep up. We're equal partners, and If I say something that makes you feel like I don't believe that, I want you to tell me, because it's not my intention at all.

[reargunner]

[Another of those little laughs escapes.]

Sunshine, no matter how equal we are I can't do your work for you. I can only hold up my end and do what I feel like I should be doing.

[And his end of it sure as hell needed a lot more propping up than Abel's did, given everything he'd put the other man through.]

But... yeah. I'll remember that. [A nod.] Same to you.

[inthebiblicalsense]

I'll make sure you hear it.

[Alright, onto item number two.]

Okay, so...We- um. We got a little sidetrack, but I've been told that's also a good thing. Anyways, would you like me to tell you in anyway who else I might be seeing, and is there anyone that would make you uncomfortable if I slept with them? I mean, currently...here on the barge. [Seeing as he isn't going to be going anywhere else for a long while. He pauses a moment before adding softly.]

For me, I'm not going to tell you not to, but if you decide one day you'd like to sleep with Fitz, I'd appreciate it if you were careful about how you approached that.

[reargunner]

[Alexei's eyebrows lift slightly.]

I had absolutely no plans to sleep with Fitz. He's fun and all, but... he's your—. That'd be... awkward.

[He does like Fitz and it's not as if he doesn't think the man is attractive, but he does have his own boundaries as far as who he's going to sleep with and someone who would make things entirely too complicated for Abel to navigate if it went pear-shaped isn't on his to do list.]

For me... mmn. That asshole Bright, I guess. But I think you knew that.

[He shrugs a little.]

Anyone else... up to you. You don't have to tell me. I just want you to make sure you're safe.

[inthebiblicalsense]

Remember what I said about 'it might be obvious to you'? I didn't think you were secretly scheming to sleep with my best friend behind my back, Alexei, I'm saying it so that we know in the very off chance it comes up.

[And he had expected that, but he thinks Will would probably risk demotion if he even felt like trying anyways.] Malcolm is probably monogamous anyways unless Will is into threesomes, and I'm not about to ask the both of them.

[Which brings them to...]

I'd like you to tell me if they become something more than a friend, if it isn't just sex.

[reargunner]

[And here's where it gets to the point of unease again, and the final thing Abel says makes him start as if he's been prodded unexpectedly.]

Why would I—...

[He shifts in place, and though he doesn't let go of the other man's hand his fingers flex slightly in his grip.]

I'm not looking for that. Not with anyone but you.

[His heart is pounding suddenly. Why is it doing that?]

Did you think there was someone..?

[inthebiblicalsense]

No, I don't. And even if I did, I wouldn't blame you for it because that's how you fell in love with me, isn't it? [Abel squeezes his hand, doesn't want him to start panicking, but how the hell else was he supposed to bring this up?]

You weren't looking for it, and it happened anyways. [He sucks in a breath, has to keep moving forward because again, he's started this, he can't just stop.]

And I don't think I really believed that's how it worked...it didn't make any sense, until it started happening to me, and I couldn't do anything to stop it either.

[reargunner]

[It takes a moment for his brain to catch up, then he feels something heavy and uncomfortable drop into the pit of his stomach.]

What.

[His skin tingles where it's touching Abel's and he pulls his hand away, hearing his heart suddenly thudding noisily in his ears.]

What?

[inthebiblicalsense]

[How is it that it only takes seconds for the world to fall apart? As if in slow motion he feels Cain pull his hand away, he shifts so his leg isn't touching his thigh any more, not for separation, but for space.]

Alexei, you're- [No. No.] Are you okay? Talk to me, what can I do?

[reargunner]

[He shakes his head a little bit, re-processing what Abel just said to make sure he understands.]

I'm fine.

[His eyes close briefly. He takes a breath.]

You're telling me... [Alexei's Russian accent edges in around his words. A strange thing to hear when his voice is still so level.] There's someone else. Is that what you're saying?

[Or did he just misunderstand where Ethan was going with this?]

[inthebiblicalsense]

[He certainly is not fine, but he's asked a question, and he can set that aside for long enough to answer it.

His own voice is level, but he can feel himself starting to sweat through his shirt. It's...difficult, seeing Alexei distressed like he is, can hear it in his voice, and it doesn't make this any easier. But withholding the truth is the same as lying, and since he'd been able to admit it to himself, it had been sitting there like a stone in his stomach.]

I'm saying that there could be.

I haven't talked to him about it, I wanted to tell you first.

[reargunner]

[He's still quiet, keeping his voice in a state of forced calm as he lightly digs his fingernails against his kneecaps.]

Oh.

[Hah.

It doesn't make it better, somehow. That 'might be'.]

So that's what this was for.

[inthebiblicalsense]

[Abel frowns, not sure that's exactly fair.]

No, it was just a single part of it. The rest of it was just as important to me.

[reargunner]

[He rubs the back of his hair again and sniffs, then pushes himself up off the couch. His pulse is still drumming in his ears and his knees feel oddly hollow when he stands, but he takes a couple of stilted steps away.]

I gotta go.

[inthebiblicalsense]

[Abel pushes himself up to stand, makes a move to catch his arm, but thinks better of it.]

Alexei, I don't- I don't love you any less because of it. Please stay? At least until you feel a little better? I'll- I'll leave, you don't have to go.

[reargunner]

No.

[Even the small move that doesn't come close to catching him is enough to make him pull himself away.]

I'm going. I'm—

[It's just as well he came here. At least he has somewhere to go back to instead of feeling like he's been entirely cut loose.]

I just need to— I can't be here right now.

[If he stays he's going to say something, or do something he'll regret, he's sure of it. He skirts around Abel on his way over to the door.

He doesn't look back before he leaves.]

[inthebiblicalsense]

[He catches the way he moves away from him and that hand shoots back to his center, his other hand holding onto his arm tightly to his chest.

He takes in a shuddering breath and the more he looks at him, the tighter his grip gets.]

будь добр к себе. [It's almost a whisper, and he knows some of it doesn't sound like it should, he's too upset, but he hopes he hears it before he's out the door, and then he's alone in his cabin, standing there and desperately trying to approach that any other way that would have resulted in less.]