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[reargunner]

ᴛᴇxᴛ | ᴀᴜᴅɪᴏ | ᴠɪᴅᴇᴏ | ᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ



Leave a message if you want. I'll get back to you when I pick my comm up.

Or I won't.

Comments

[a_titanum]

[ He is quiet for a long moment before he nods. It's not that he wants to. He doesn't. But he also doesn't want to make a promise he would break. He's very careful about those. At the same time- ]

I will tell you before hand. We can discuss it. I do agree with you on that point.

[ This was a somewhat unique situation. But all the same- ]

I... get the feeling that your friend Abel is under the impression that if he says things correctly, he can satisfy everyone. That it is just a matter of finding the right words, the right timing, and that if he doesn't, it is not because the bones of the situation must be addressed but because he 'failed' in some way.

[ He gives Alexei's hand another squeeze. ]

I assume he is 'waiting' until you're not unhappy with things, that he sees it as 'abiding by your schedule' without realizing that the pressure to act constantly being on one is...

[ A breath out. ]

Regardless, that is an unequal division of labor. I've... been in such a situation myself. So you have my sympathies.

[reargunner]

[He supposes he can agree to the compromise, so he nods. The rest is taken in as it comes, Florian putting into words things that he has considered before but never really had the right vocabulary to talk his way around.]

He can be so fucking stupid sometimes. [Alexei mutters, looking down at his hand curled around Florian's small one.] I told him so many times that I didn't like it. I told him that if it made him happy I'd figure out how to tolerate it. But I think... Norton isn't the problem. Not really.

[A sigh.]

The problem is... that he never gave me a choice. And— [He pauses to let out a small, short, humourless laugh.] And I don't feel like I have any room to be angry about that. And now every time I'm around him I just...

[Trailing off, he shakes his head again.]

I've tried so hard for him. He told me that he needs me more than anybody. So why doesn't it feel that way.

[a_titanum]

[ The tight smile on Florian's face gives his agreement: no, the issue isn't Norton. But he just listens as Alexei continues. ]

You always have the right to be angry with someone you're in a relationship with. If you don't, it's not a relationship. It's an arrangement.

[ A glance at Alexei now. ]

If he has forgiven you, then the matter is settled. You do not owe him anything and withholding your anger is just going to confuse him. If he is using your previous actions to 'pay' for this other relationship or to 'pay' for your tolerance, then he hasn't forgiven you. He's merely transmuted the debt.

If you want to have a relationship with him, then there has to be equal investment. Equal concern for your happiness. And no debts. Accounting like that will only destroy things. And I say this from experience.

[ A small squeeze. ]

And as a friend who wants you to have the relationship you want.

[reargunner]

[Easier said than done, sure, but with Abel as the wounded party and Cain feeling the weight of the 'debt' he owes the words do strike a chord.

He's right. Of course he is. Neither of them are going to forget the past but as long as it's being held over Alexei's head in the context of their relationship things will never be equal. He'll always be trying to catch up. To pay it off.

Alexei closes his eyes. He knows what he has to do, he thinks. But part of it is definitely not being the one who makes the first move. Not this time.]

You are a good friend. [He says softly. His forefinger curls lightly beneath Florian's chin.] And you've been good for me. I hope you know that.

[a_titanum]

[ Most things are easier said than done, but at least laying it out gets one started. He smiles up at Alexei fondly and dips his chin to nuzzle against Alexei's hand. ]

One does one's best. And I trust you'll tell me if that ever changes.

[reargunner]

Yeah.

[With Florian's head dipped he ventures to press a soft kiss to the top of it, lingering there for a moment.

This time, he doesn't notice the way that his pulse speeds up.]

I will, I promise.

[a_titanum]

[ He lets his eyes close in the kiss, enjoying it, satisfied also by the fact that Alexei understood his intentions, understood that his actions came from a place of concern and a desire to help. One more mark against his constant fear that he will only destroy anything good in his life.

The uptick makes him smile. ]

Thank you. And thank you for ... well, trust and understanding. You have also been good for me, Alexei. Never doubt that.

[ A slightly more whimsical smile. ]

Alas that I have a shift soon.

[reargunner]

Mm.

[He pauses to rest his forehead against Florian's. It is a shame, but some people on this tub do seem to actually enjoy the work they do.]

Don't mind if I stay here a bit longer, do you? I guess... Abel might contact me soon.

[He'll probably go then. He's still thinking about where he wants to meet up.]

[a_titanum]

[ He doesn't mind the resting. He smiles. ]

Never. You're always welcome here. I figured he might.

[ He tips his head towards the bedroom. ]

Just close the doors if you don't want anyone wandering in.