[TLV][IC Inbox]

[reargunner]

ᴛᴇxᴛ | ᴀᴜᴅɪᴏ | ᴠɪᴅᴇᴏ | ᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ



Leave a message if you want. I'll get back to you when I pick my comm up.

Or I won't.

Comments

[reargunner]

[Maybe Abel would expect it but this question doesn't get the same sort of tension in response as his light prodding about the warden had. Rather, he looks at Abel in steady silence for a couple of seconds then exhales lightly through his nose.]

I've been thinking about it.

[Though the way the conversation had gone had left the question behind, he hadn't forgotten about it.]

And... it's fair. We didn't get to talk about it before. [Not just before here, but before, back on the Sleipnir, when he'd wanted so much to be able to even try to explain.

Cain sits up straight and leans forward, taking his hand back and moving himself out of Abel's arm. Music keeps playing quietly in his ear.]

You were supposed to just be a mission, like the others - something to deal with so I could just... go home. [He keeps his eyes down, looking at his hands.] I didn't want to go back to prison. I would have done anything to not go back to that place.

[A pause. He exhales an almost-laugh.]

But you—... you got under my skin before I realised. And you know who noticed it first? Fucking Deimos. [Fuck that guy.] And I denied it, but he was right. You're... special. I care about you. More than I wanted to; more than I should. Probably. I don't know.

[Cain shakes his head. He's never claimed to be good at expressing himself like this, but he's trying.]

And it doesn't fucking fix anything. It doesn't make it right. I know that. [The corner of his mouth twitches in a smile.] I know.

[inthebiblicalsense]

[When Cain moves, Abel presses his hands between his knees, trying to make sure he's focused, listening.

He knows about what he'd hoped to do, had been thinking about it for months. And when he was sitting there in bed, offered the chance to just leave the situation he was currently in, go somewhere else and earn a deal to fix everything that he couldn't possibly without the support of the alliance? He'd taken it in a heart beat.

And despite the similarity there, there was a difference. Glaringly obvious that he'd agreed to help people, to guide them towards their second chance at life. Cain had been ordered to do something else entirely. He still isn't sure that if given the same deal he's earning from the Admiral, he wouldn't do the same thing, even if it would make him sick. At what point would he have given up because he couldn't do it any more?]

I think, that's the easiest part to forgive. You were offered something precious to you when you were desperate, a way to leave before you'd even earned it. When I left to come here, I was running away because I didn't want to have to deal with everything, even if it was just for a little while. It's not the same, but it's close enough. I understand exactly what that's like, being desperate for change. But you're right...no matter what it became, were you ever actually going to tell me what was going on?

I'd like to think if you had, it...it wouldn't hurt so much, but I had to find out from Phobos, and it was humiliating, standing there, defending you when he knew exactly what you did. At least Deimos had the decency to tell him to stop shaming me for being a stupid slut when he was done.

[Abel's shoulders sag a little as he talks, not quite sure what to do, his knee's squeezing his hands hard so he doesn't gesture or pull at his hair. He was going to go bald if he didn't stop doing that.]

[reargunner]

... There were a couple of times when I wanted to. When I nearly did.

[He doesn't think that Abel really gets it no matter what he says, because Abel has never been in New Volga Correctional Facility. He can't possibly understand just how desperate Cain was to escape that situation, and the kind of person being in there had turned him into just so he could be sure of coming out on the other side.

Cain rubs the back of his neck.]

You remember... in the storage bay, when I let my name slip? I was gonna tell you something when I stopped freaking out, but we got interrupted.

[God, if that guy had been a few minutes behind on his route.]

Phobos is a dick, and he did what he did because he wanted to fuck with the both of us, but—... if I'd told you sooner... [He doesn't know. Would it have made a difference, or would Phobos have just looked for some other way to try and make a mess?

He shakes his head.]

I agreed to the Alliance's offer because I didn't have anything left to lose. I figured I'd just do what I had to; it wouldn't matter if I messed around with some stranger for a while, kept them distant... [The back of his jaw tenses.]

You were my last shot. And when I realised... that I felt something for you, and I wanted you to know the truth, I was... terrified.

sa mention

[inthebiblicalsense]

[Abel shuts his eyes again as he listens, his eyebrows knitting as Cain speaks, because he wants to believe him, but looking at his face, the way he moved, it just added to the sick feeling in his stomach that maybe there were some half truths sprinkled in, that he's missing something, and he doesn't want to be able to look in his eyes and see the things that he swore he saw, or didn't.]

He did what he did because he hated me, and Deimos probably wanted to get out because you were 'compromised'. I don't really blame either of them...If I hadn't found out, I don't think I would have survived many of those Jumps. The last one almost killed me, and I- I don't know if you knew that activating it would hurt me, but I think perhaps Cook and Bering did. I was expendable from the beginning.

[Despite not really wanting to believe the soft confessions of very real feelings, he could at least believe the look on Cain's face when Cook had started forcing himself on him. The very real fear in his eyes that followed when they'd both learned that he was a liability and was going to be terminated, the scuffle that had marked the beginnings of desertion. Together.]

I never did say thank you... for not letting Cook get away with it. He probably would have let you go, it wasn't like you had the same connections, and I think he's enough of a pretentious dick that he wouldn't think you were as much of a threat to security as I was. You could have just stood there and gotten what you wanted, and you didn't.

[reargunner]

[Cain shakes his head. No, he didn't know it would hurt the navigator, though he doubts it would have done much to change his mind at first.

He startles a bit, though, when Abel thanks him.]

You don't–...

[Thanking him for that is... Cain shakes his head, frowning.]

He would have got rid of us both. [And done worse to Abel before he did, Cain thinks. He's not so optimistic as Abel to believe that he would have got out of it all scott free if he just kept his mouth shut and let Cook do what he wanted. He knew too much by then. Maybe too much to dump him back on Mars and trust he wouldn't talk.]

And even if you're right, I couldn't just stand there and let him— do that to you. [His frown deepens.] I had to do something. Even if it meant...

[Neither of them had known for sure they'd get out of there. Cain's unshakeable faith in Abel's ability to keep them both alive might have spurred them on, but it was all on Abel in the end. It had to be.]

Even if it meant I'd never get to go home, it wasn't worth it. He's just lucky I wasn't the one who shot him. [The frown turns into a dark scowl.] I would have aimed higher.

[inthebiblicalsense]

I do. [It comes quick after, not wanting to let that slide. There was a great deal of risk in attempting it at all, and even if Cain had thought they were going to kill him too, it would have been easier to get away himself at a better moment.]

And they only detained you when you reacted after he hit me, I...I don't know. Maybe they would have, but my point is, I was a mess after everything that had just happened, Phobos, you, Cook? I wouldn't have been able to refocus, or even think about what the next move should have been with out you. It was too much...

And don't think I didn't consider it. [Even if Abel was sure he wasn't as good with a gun as Cain, he was still a good shot himself, especially at that range.] Killing him would have been too easy, and he deserves to stand trial so he can feel the weight of the world's disgust at what he and Bering orchestrated, rot in prison himself for how ever long he will. He'd actually deserve to be there.

[He's quiet a moment, staring at his knees before he quietly speaks again, the barest hint of a smile.] Felt good to kick him in the face though.

[reargunner]

Pft, they'll love him in prison.

[Assuming he actually gets put away and doesn't manage to squirm his way out of it. Bering, he's pretty sure, will go down as far as they can put him. Cook, though... he's sly, and Cain's sure he'll try and pin as much of it on Bering as he possibly can. Thoughts for another time, though, and useless ones here when there's nothing they can do about it one way or the other.

Cain cocks his head slightly, then ruffles his hand against the back of Abel's hair.]

You were hot as hell doing it, too. He had it coming. That and more. [It's weird to be able to talk about it so openly. Cain sinks down a little and closes his eyes, letting his head rest back.] ... Did I answer the question?

[inthebiblicalsense]

[Abel doesn't mention what his deal will be, but if he can't bring himself to go to the trial by the time this is over and Fitz has graduated, a verdict in their favor and the war ending will be a packaged deal.

He looks up a little at the fluffing, hands still between his knees and bumps shoulders with him instead of a shove.] If we didn't have to worry about the infantry, I might have done it twice.

[And while he hadn't specifically, they'd talked about quite a bit more than he'd expected. Did he really need a label for something that he had no idea what he wanted for either? At least he got some answers, more than he'd thought he'd get for a while.]

Close enough, I suppose. Honestly, It's...Its nice to even be able to talk to you again. I like the friends I've made here, and they're good company, give relatively good advice? But you lived everything with me, and no matter how many times I could try and explain what everything was like there? They would never quite get it like you do.

Less lonely that way...not being the only person from our 'distant future' when compared to everyone else.

[reargunner]

[Considering what happened the last time they saw each other, Cain really hadn't been sure how any of this would go. The fact Abel is talking to him at all, and pretty openly, and they're... actually getting along, is more than he could have really hoped for.]

Mm, I can see that...

[He looks down at his knees, his expression distant as his thoughts turn over. This isn't really how he would have wanted things to end up and even if he's still refusing the idea that he could possibly be dead, it doesn't make much difference. They're both still here, either way.

Sigh.]

It didn't go well. [The words come out a bit grudgingly, answering an earlier question that he had initially shut down.] I don't like him. If he keeps out from under my feet, I'll be fine.

[inthebiblicalsense]

[He hadn't expected him to talk about it, but he kind of knows what he's saying immediately. It doesn't take much to shift the conversation over.]

Well, if it helps, I had a great first day with my own first temp, and then I promptly fucked it up the next day. It's...difficult, to figure out new people, especially when you don't know anyone, and I'm sorry it's not a good fit.

I don't really care much for the rotation process, but it's thankfully not forever. [Abel pulls one of his hands from between his knees and rests it palm up on Cain's knee, offering it quietly.]

You don't have to keep it to yourself though, I'm not...I'm not mad at you, and I want you to be able to talk to someone if you're not comfortable, or you're upset. It's not good, holding on to things here, they have this horrible habit of reappearing so easily when you least want it to.

But only if you want to. I'm...trying to give you space to do this by yourself, but it's difficult. Success was something we achieved together, you know? It's hard to let that go.

[reargunner]

[Cain looks down at the hand being offered then takes it again, sliding his fingers into the spaces between Abel's and curling them over his knuckles. He rubs the pad of his thumb against the side of the other man's hand and tilts his head as if thinking about something, or trying to shake a thought into place.]

It's not—... [A frown. His fingers squeeze lightly around Abel's hand.] Being soft in New Volga could get you killed. Or worse. Same if you're a fighter. People like that don't last long.

[Cain's voice is quiet. Stilted. He's not dismissing what Abel says, but rather pointing out why it simply isn't as easy to do as it is to say. He's not good at just talking it out.]

But I don't want space from you, Ethan. [He looks up at him then, those almost-black eyes fixed on his face.] We're a good team. No one can replace that.

[Even outside of the bullshit system this place is running, they're a good team. Even outside of that... no one is going to get close him like Abel has.]

... I trust you.

[inthebiblicalsense]

[Maybe some other time Abel will try and convince Cain that this place isn't really like anywhere he's been before. It's entirely new, and different, and frustrating in so many ways that the Alliance wasn't, that perhaps New Volga was? He isn't sure, but what he does know is that he can't just keep going like he is forever.

Change took time, he'd seen it for himself, had dragged his feet and not wanted to confront his issues even if he told himself he needed to, practically begged himself to contact Malcolm, rip the harsh parts out and show it to him so that he could be better, could be fixed. But nothing was ever easy.

He pulls both their hands closer to him, a gentle tug that makes sure that he can hold Cain's gaze, searching that face for any trace of who he used to see before Alexei had started to bleed through.]

We need space, Alexei. If I don't keep my nose out of your business, if I can't just let you go and do what you're going to? We'll drive each other crazy, and you'll hate it, and so will I.

But space doesn't...It's not separation, it's...I'm trying to trust you, Alexei. I'm trying, and it's hard.

[He sucks in a steadying breath, leaning forward so that their foreheads touch, closing his eyes.]

It's never going to be like it was, because that wasn't- It wasn't real, but I'm with you now, and I will be as long as you want me to be here. I just can't do this for you, you have to do it by yourself.

[He opens his eyes again, pulling back just the slightest to attempt a smile, head tilting just slightly.]

And I believe you can, so let me see you succeed, and I'll be right there with you, alright?

[reargunner]

[Cain would face and process things in his own way, in time, and likely not in the same way as Abel given his preference for keeping things to himself. The Barge is different in many ways and yet, it still being a prison, and he still a prisoner in it subject to the authority of others whether he wishes it or not, the differences matter very little to him.

He listens to Abel speak, watching his eyes and how his lips move around each word, and although that qualifier of trying makes his chest twist he's still happy to hear it, somehow. All part of that chance Abel gave him - one he's determined not to waste.

Their foreheads press together and he fights the urge that rises in the back of his throat to argue. It's wrapped around a strange kind of panic that Abel is going to just cut him loose, something he knows is utterly irrational, and he closes his eyes for a moment with his tight grip the only thing betraying the flash of anxiety.

His eyes open again when Abel keeps talking and he meets the other man's gaze again.]

Ethan... you know I'm not playing along with whatever bullshit is going on here. Whatever fuckin'... arbitrary line I have to cross to end up with responsibility I dont even want. [For many reasons, several of which Abel is already well aware of. Can you really succeed at something you have no emotional or mental investment in?] And I know that's not what you want to hear.

[But he said he wouldn't lie anymore. Not that he'd even want to lie about that.]

But I'm done with being used. I won't do it anymore. That temp can go to hell if he thinks I'm just gonna toe the line for him because he says so. [His eyes shift away as his brow pinches.] I don't want to deal with him, and I can make that choice, right?

[inthebiblicalsense]

[He sighs, not really wanting to argue with him about the system, knowing he isn't going to get anywhere with it.] I don't expect you to stay on, Alexei, but I would like to see you able to go home, and I'm sure I'll be there, as if we never left. Time and reality is apparently weird like that, here.

And if you ever have a temp that doesn't work, that you feel might actually hurt you? Tell me, and I've got your back. Just, don't push every one away because you think they want something from you. I'm here, aren't I? I've got my own permanent assignment, and I've already accepted that I'm going to be here for a very long time working on it. But no matter how important ending the war is? I'm not going to stiff arm our way towards the finish line. People don't work like that...and I sincerely care about who I'm working with.

I know not everyone is like that, but...I'm giving you a chance, even though we both know I have reasons not to. All I'm saying is maybe try to give someone else those chances, even if you don't think they deserve them. They might surprise you, just like I'm sure you can surprise me.

[He gently plucks his ipod out of Cain's hand, popping the earbuds out of either of their ears and sets it up on his bed, out of reach, safe and sits up, stretching his arms to the ceiling to get some tension out of his back before he shifts, facing Cain fully now.]

But I didn't ask you to come by so I could lecture you, I wanted you to relax. [And while he's been trying to be less handsy, especially since he'd felt incredibly guilty about sleeping with him when he'd first arrived only hours after breaking it off in Cain's mind, he at least knows it's an easy way to get him to calm and settle.

Crawling into his lap would be an easy start, but he wants to do things differently, and communication he's learning is important. His palm settles on his chest, leaning in a little closer.]

Can I kiss you?

[reargunner]

[There's so much in what Abel says for him to argue with. He doesn't get it, he doesn't understand at all, and he has no idea how much Cain has been trying to ignore that he's a warden too; to avoid generalising because he doesn't want to start that fight.

And comparing the situations? That's wrong too. It's not the same, not even close, and his annoyance with the comparison comes across in his expression before he's distracted by the iPod being taken from him and the loss of the music in his ear that he'd almost stopped listening to.

It's all bullshit and he knows he's going to disappoint Abel by not taking on a single thing he just said, so he gives a small smirk and curls his hand over the one on his chest.]

Funny that you should say that after you try to lecture me. ['Try' being the operative word. He sighs slowly and runs his palm down Abel's arm.]

But you don't have to ask me for something like that. Just kiss me.

[inthebiblicalsense]

[Abel is starting to understand that his point of view is not shared by most people, and his involvement with Fitz, is very much helping him learn that.

But, regardless of whether or not Cain listens to him, or believes him, he's at least tried he supposes, and that's all he can do. He can't just change his mind because he thinks he knows better.]

Yeah, well I want to ask...So I can hear you say you want me to. [Because he doesn't want to argue about this either, and his education in asking for things for himself was important, especially when he was trying to make sure that what he and Cain were doing was something they both wanted.

Steadying himself on the hand on his chest, he swings a leg over Cain's, resting his thighs over his to get comfy before he leans in, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips once.] And I should after a lecture, gotta give you some positive reinforcement, so the next time you listen a little better.

[Which, he's obviously teasing as he leans in again and settles easily against him, the hand at his chest curling up tight in his shirt followed up by more insistent kisses.]

[reargunner]

[Cain just lets out a little 'heh', and he slides his hand against the back of Abel's thigh as the man moves to straddle him. He leans up to chase that small kiss then rolls his eyes a bit at the comment on 'positive reinforcement', and if a comment like that had come from anyone but Abel it would have been cause for Cain to lash out.

But it is from Abel, and so he lets it pass. This time.

He lets it pass in favour of another kiss, in favour of the hand curling into his shirt, and in favour of pushing one hand up into Abel's hair to cup the back of his head. Cain sits up straighter and returns those kisses with an insistence of his own as his other hand slides up Abel's thigh again and squeezes at the top, fingertips pressing into firm muscle under fabric.]

Mm.

[It's easy - too easy, maybe - to forget about everything else like this.]

You planning to make a habit of needing to have me on the floor before you'll kiss me?

[inthebiblicalsense]

[Abel knows he can get away with it, though he really is teasing. He isn't trying to use what ever this is between them, what they are or aren't calling it, as some kind of tool. Some things just exist despite everything, and he thinks maybe that's good enough for now

Though he is definitely pulling back just a little, raising an eyebrow at him.]

You're the one who demanded we sleep on the floor. I was accommodating you, obviously.

[He sounds so serious when he says it, but a smile bursts through as he loses his ability to keep it in, dipping his head to kiss along his jaw, down his neck.]

Just thought you were a floor kind of guy.

[reargunner]

Psh... wasn't really left with a lot of options if I wanted to sleep next to you.

[Bunk beds. Imagine. That tiny room put him in mind of too many unpleasant things and pulling the mattresses onto the floor had been as much a gesture of ownership of the room as anything else.

Cain sighs and lets his head fall back, his eyes half closed, and a crooked smile quirks at his lips.]

Thought you might get off on the idea of doing it in here.

[He slips his fingers under Abel's shirt, skimming his fingertips against the first couple of inches of warm skin.]

Am I wrong?

[inthebiblicalsense]

[He'd just caught his ear between his teeth, a very gentle pull when he freezes at the comment, can feel his face getting red.]

I'm not getting off on it.

[He sits up, trying to fight the flush that he knows is there and frowns down at him from his spot in his lap]

You always just say things that are so ridiculous. It's my room. It's not like I'm going to get in trouble because I have a boy in here. What am I, twelve?

[Any more anyways. He's done well to not glance at the door that leads nowhere, shut with the fear of hearing footsteps coming up the stairs. He'd never really had anyone in his room back home to make that scenario quite so scary, but it definitely made alone time frustrating when he wasn't allowed to lock the door.]

[reargunner]

[Cain just grins, and even more so when he sees how red Abel has suddenly gone. If he knew the quote he might be thinking something along the lines of the lady doth protest too much, methinks at the flustered display suddenly taking place in his lap.

His fingers inch higher, skimming the curve of Abel's ribcage.]

Do you wanna do it?

[Because honestly, if that's where this is going, they're going to have to get up off the floor. Cain looks over his shoulder.]

Bit narrow, but I think we can make it work without one of us falling off.

[inthebiblicalsense]

[He hates that he's just smiling up at him, knows why he's doing it, and it makes him want to get up, because he's been caught and it's entirely too embarrassing. Who would point that out when someone was kissing their neck? No one but Cain.

Obviously he needed to distract him more.

Sucking in a steadying breath, gathering all his courage and just shoving his embarrassment somewhere out of sight and mind, he leans down again, catching his ear again, before whispering into it with as much confidence as he can manage.]

What do you want me to do to you, Alexei?

[reargunner]

[Cain knows by now when he can push his luck, and this was one of those times. He gives a soft hum of approval as Abel leans into him again, settling into it, but he's not expecting that whisper next to his ear.

His fingers press in against Abel's skin, and he feels the tips of his ears warm just slightly. There's a smirk all over his face as he tilts his head a little so he can see Abel better, if the other man will even let him.]

Haha... Where have you been hiding this? [Hot. He pulls Abel around so he can kiss him again, deliberate and wanting.

Then, pulling back just enough to look him in the eyes, he gives his answer.]

Oh, Ethan. [He breathes out the words.] I want you to fuck me.

[inthebiblicalsense]

[There is a soft little sound of triumph as he can feel his fingers tightening their grip. He'd been hiding his face in the crook of his neck to attempt to fight back the flush, he's not good at talking more at doing, which he is entirely blaming Cain for and the straight forward approach he'd used for quite a while before things had started to change.

He doesn't keep him from pulling him back, kissing him, and it's very obvious to him that he's gotten what he wanted, a rise out of him, just like Cain had done to him.

But then he's looking at him like that and his mouth hands slightly open as his brain tries to catch up. Oh... Oh shit.]

O-Okay! [Comes the almost too enthusiastic response, his heart beating fast just like it had when Cain had let him before, and he sets back on his knee's over him, trying not too look too flustered, too excited. The confidence he'd just had was trying to stay, but part of it was bleeding out of him.]

[reargunner]

Hah...

[Cain laughs again warmly at the enthusiasm he gets in response to that request. He can still remember the first time Abel grabbed his ass, how he'd flinched and almost snapped at him, and then all that time later... when he'd asked if they could switch, and Cain had realised he wouldn't mind if they did.

Now, though... now he's asking for it, and just doing so prompts a little flutter in the pit of his stomach. It isn't as if he lets just anyone get him into that sort of position.

His hands slide free of Abel's shirt and drop to his thighs as he sits back, and Cain looks up at him expectantly.]

You get to lead, solnyshko, but I don't think we're gonna get anywhere in this position.

[He taps his palms against Abel's thighs.]

Tell me where you want me.