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[reargunner]

ᴛᴇxᴛ | ᴀᴜᴅɪᴏ | ᴠɪᴅᴇᴏ | ᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ



Leave a message if you want. I'll get back to you when I pick my comm up.

Or I won't.

Comments

[reargunner]

[He shakes his head immediately.]

No.

[And he shifts, like he's going to fold his arms but is resisting the urge.]

I tried to talk to Sheehan about shit like this once and it just... didn't feel right. I couldn't look him in the face for weeks. And he's too—... he's too calm.

[inthebiblicalsense]

[Well, that's fair. The other man was rather calm, and he can see how that might put Alexei off.]

I'm not going to push you to talk about it, because I don't think that's going to help you either, but I don't think what you're currently doing is the right option either.

[He glances at his nails again, a breath out.] If someone does come to mind that you'd feel comfortable with, just text me or something...you don't need to wait for my permission or approval.

[reargunner]

[He huffs slightly.]

If you try to push me we're going to fight, and I'd rather not.

[It's more likely he'd leave first, and he's grown quite tired of one of them walking out on the other one.

Alexei just shakes his head again.]

Don't think there is anyone, but sure.

[inthebiblicalsense]

I already said I wasn't, don't work yourself up over something that isn't going to happen. [He heard that huff, and he's sure he's thinking about it when there isn't any reason to.]

I'm not trying to fight you, I just want to help, especially since it's my fault you're feeling this way in the first place. And maybe I can't help, but...it would feel wrong to not at least ask if I can try.

[reargunner]

[His lips part briefly and then there's a soft click as his jaw snaps shut again. Alexei shifts himself into the corner of the couch and leans back, his eyes straying over to the movie still running on the television.]

Okay.

[inthebiblicalsense]

[Perhaps it wasn't a good idea to ask him over, it had been fine until he'd brought it up, but it wasn't like he was going to ignore the problem forever. That's what had got him to screw up the last time. Wasn't talking about it, proving that he was taking it seriously and trying to fix it what he wanted?

He didn't think anything he'd said was too combative, he wasn't trying to ignore the way he was feeling, he was asking. He watches him watch the Tv before he finally opens his mouth again.]

I don't want to give you space unless that's what you want. But I need you to tell me, so I'm not just assuming.

[reargunner]

[He's quiet for a few seconds before he frowns, keeping his eyes on the television.]

What I want is for you to not talk to me like that. I don't like it.

[Then he shifts to look over at him.]

You start talking at me, like you just need to be right about something, when I wasn't trying to make anything into a problem. [Then he looks away again, his eyes a bit lowered.]

If I wanted space I wouldn't be here. But sometimes— it feels like we didn't get past that first week I was here, when you were expecting me to blow up at everyone.

[inthebiblicalsense]

I don't- [He frowns, not sure he understands where exactly he slipped up.]

we were just talking? I don't understand what part of what we were just saying you didn't like, or what I did wrong.

[And maybe he'd been a little more forward by reminding him what he'd just said, but he doesn't have the energy to fight at the moment and hadn't been looking for one either.]

Do you think I'm asking you to talk to someone because you think I'm worried you're going to hurt someone?

[reargunner]

No.

[Because he's not going to. That boat has come and gone and he already regrets it a little.

He'd still love to beat that piece of shit into the floor until he was begging for mercy. It doesn't even make him feel a bit sick to want to do it.]

You don't need to tell me to not 'work myself up'. Because I wasn't. Not even close. I think you're worried about me and you're probably right to be. But I'm—... I'm fucking tired, Ethan. Can we just...

[Sigh. He puts one arm out.]

Your nails should be dry. Can we just watch the movie? Please?

[inthebiblicalsense]

[Abel at least has the sense to look a little guilty. He hadn't even thought about it when he'd said it, but the huff had set his shoulders tight.]

I'm sorry. I got defensive, and that's not- Me being worried and tired isn't an excuse to tell you in any phrasing to calm down. [Which when it's pointed out to him, he can recognize that. It wouldn't make him feel any better either if someone said that to him.

He looks down at his nails again, his smile a little more tired this time and nods, though doesn't come to him right away. Instead, he leans over, stealing the pillows from the other couch segment and setting them up so he can sit up, placing another one on his chest, legs spread out on the couch. He'll take Alexei's hand and give him a gentle tug back. The couch is long enough for Fitz to sprawl completely out on, so he knows it's long enough for the two of them to sit like this half reclined.]

Come here? If you fall asleep we can just watch it later. Or never, but at least you'll be comfy.

[reargunner]

[Watching Abel rearrange the couch has him visibly confused until his hand is grabbed.

He hums softly and moves over, crawling up and flopping himself lightly against the other man's chest and settling himself in place so he's as comfortable as he's going to get. His head might still be buzzing with too many thoughts, half of which he doesn't want at all, but this is nice.]

Better.

[Another little huff, but softer, then he yawns and wraps his arm around Ethan's middle, curling into him.]

Just wake me up if you need to move.

[Chances of him falling asleep are high.]

[inthebiblicalsense]

[Well, that wasn't what he was expecting, but it isn't bad either. He doesn't mind that he's being hugged, and rests one of his hands on his back, guiding his nails gently up and down his spine while his other starts gently combing through his hair. He's careful to not disturb the little braid, but he does start to give him a light scalp massage. He feels like he needs one himself, but if it will help get him to sleep, and he can rest some, well...

Maybe he can ask Norton for one later.]

I'm not going anywhere, you get some rest.

[reargunner]

Hmm...

[The sound that comes out of him when his scalp is rubbed is a grumbling little groan almost like a purr as he turns his face a little against the other man's chest and chuffs a soft breath out.]

Yeah, yeah. Okay.

[Ethan is clearly not going anywhere even if he wanted to, with well over one hundred and fifty pounds of Martian-Russian draped over him.]

I love you. You know that, right?

[inthebiblicalsense]

[Absently he thinks this must be what it's like to be loved by a tiger, continuing to gently rub at his head in all the places he knows he himself likes and needs some pressure when he's stressed.

He looks down at Cain, trying to come up with some kind of answer to that.]

I do. But I'm also learning that it's...maybe more difficult a task than it should be. [He brushes some of his hair out of his eyes, finger combing his soft, fluffy hair.]

I love you too.

[reargunner]

[His hair has always been thick and soft, and those qualities have only intensified since he stopped using the god-awful excuse for shampoo that the Alliance handed out. When he's using Abel's stuff he smells nice and has ~extra volume~.]

Heh.

[He shifts so he can look at Abel from under his eyelashes.]

You don't always make it easy. [No point in sugar coating that, with everything that's happened recently.] But loving you is a choice that I'd keep making, every day, 'cause I don't know where I'd be without you.

[inthebiblicalsense]

You're not supposed to agree with me. [He's teasing, gently because he has every right to agree. He's gotten the short end of the stick with all his fumbling and it's only because Norton doesn't see any of it as much of a problem that he hasn't managed to get him so mad at him either.

It highlights the similarities and problems they both have.

He leans his head down, kissing Alexei's forehead before letting his head fall back against his pillow.]

I never took you as very romantic, but then you go and say things like that and I'm pleasantly surprised. I think if I tried to make a statement like that it would end up sounding too serious...lose the sweet sentiment somehow.

[reargunner]

I could just be lewd if you'd like.

[And Abel knows he can, he's heard that kind of thing from him more than once before. But he doesn't mind being romantic either, even if it sometimes makes him feel a bit silly when he says things like that.]

You think too hard about it. I just... say what I'm feeling.

[inthebiblicalsense]

Mmm...no, I like the whole of you, which ever fits in the moment is your choice.

[Which is about as spontaneous a sweet compliment as it can get.]

I didn't really get to share how I felt at all without push back, so I suppose that shouldn't be a surprise. Maybe I can practice with you.

[reargunner]

[That is pretty sweet, and it does soothe a sharp edge or two of the discomfort and upset he's been stewing over for the past few weeks.]

Yeah? Any time you like, solnyshko.

[He curls his fingers against the fabric of Abel's shirt, fiddling with it while he lays there.]

You know--... I know it wasn't the same kind of thing, but... I do know what having to change yourself to be safe is like. It fucking sucks, and it messes you up. So... don't worry about not being perfect all the time, okay?

[inthebiblicalsense]

[Abel is quiet a moment, running his fingers through Alexei's hair as he think over what he's said, what he could say.]

I do worry. A lot. A-and I'm sorry if you think I'm walking on eggshells around you just because you're you. I do that with a lot of people... I expect a fight because if it's how I actually feel, it's hard to express that and not feel like I have to immediately defend myself.

It just...comes off as entirely personal I'm sure because of our history. But I promise it's not just because of you.

[reargunner]

[He wonders sometimes what it would have been like had they met under different circumstances. If they'd just been paired together like a normal Fighter and their Navigator. Would they have been friends at all? Would Abel have asked for another assignment because he wasn't able to tolerate Cain's personality when they weren't sleeping together? Would he have even acted like that if he hadn't been being pushed by Bering to get the job done...

Hard to say. Little use in thinking too hard about it now.]

Yeah. [He murmurs softly. It's difficult not to take it personally. He thinks on that for a few moments and then carefully pushes himself up, placing his elbow at the side of Abel's chest so he's not bracing his weight against the other man's ribs.

Then, he looks at him quite intently.]

So what can I do?

[inthebiblicalsense]

[What can he do? Abel shakes his head, patting his back in a gentle urge to lay back down.]

You can rest, because you're tired, and so am I. And you can continue doing what you're doing, because it works for you, and we can continue to chip away at learning how to better communicate with each other.

I've got work to do for myself, for our relationship, for the people I love and that love me.

[reargunner]

... Hm...

[He does resist, just for a moment as if to prove that he can, but then he settles back down and huffs softly before he lets his eyes close. He is pretty tired, having been unable to really rest properly for the past few weeks even when Abel is right there with him, so he supposes he should take advantage of the opportunity while he can.

But it does occur to him - something kept quiet here because he knows it would start a line of discussion that neither of them are emotionally shored up for - that a good number of wardens have as much about themselves that needs to be worked on as the inmates do.]

Okay. Don't let me sleep for too long, though.

[inthebiblicalsense]

I'll wake you up when dinner service is halfway through, how's that?

[It's a couple hours at least, but not long enough to miss anything, and they can swing down there to pick up something to eat when he wakes up.

It gives him an excuse to not skip a meal himself.]

[reargunner]

Hmm.

[He works it out in his head - that would probably be a couple of hours from now, and though he tends to avoid the dining hall at its busier times it's fine when he has some company.]

Yeah, sounds good. We can go together.