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[reargunner]

ᴛᴇxᴛ | ᴀᴜᴅɪᴏ | ᴠɪᴅᴇᴏ | ᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ



Leave a message if you want. I'll get back to you when I pick my comm up.

Or I won't.

Comments

[inthebiblicalsense]

[There is the softest little oh, now feeling like he's suddenly being viewed as childish. And perhaps it is? All he wanted to do was try and find some way it didn't lean so heavily against him. All these excuses, trying to find the proper thing to say so Alexei didn't get so angry.

Each word picked was important, carried weight, and yet usually never actually changed the outcome.]

I- yes? I was watching myself fall so far behind, it- it didn't make any sense that you were still even here.

[reargunner]

That's not... fucking hell.

[He rubs his face, muttering some choice Russian curses into his hands, then lets them both fall into his lap.]

I haven't... been keeping score. What I have been is fucking pissed off and hurt because it kept feeling like everyone else was finding shit out about what you were struggling with before I was, or that you were hiding things from me and I didn't know why—... I guess now I know why.

[inthebiblicalsense]

[That's the worst part about learned behavior, it feels natural and familiar and despite what Alexei had kept telling him, the answer had never been 'talk to him first' when he needed to figure out how to do that and not ruin his standing more.]

I...don't even know what to say. I'm sorry?

[reargunner]

[A sharp exhale. He rests his elbow on the counter and props his chin on his hand.]

Are you sorry?

[He's still looking quite calm, with something of a pointed expression on his face. He makes a small gesture with his free hand.]

"I'm sorry for..."

[inthebiblicalsense]

[Well that doesn't make him feel anywss childish, his face flushing before he frowns down at the counter.]

I- I'm sorry for making you feel like I wasn't prioritizing you, or excluding you when I was struggling. That wasn't my intention at all, and I can see now, if you weren't keeping a balance, why what I've been doing is frustrating and confusing...

[reargunner]

[Maybe he needs to feel a bit childish. It's something different from the endless circle of winding himself up and then deflating when he doesn't get the fight he expects, at least.]

Okay. I accept your apology.

[Then he cocks his head a little against his hand.]

I'm still kinda pissed. But you're forgiven.

[inthebiblicalsense]

[It's different, and he doesn't like it, but he isn't sure what he dislikes more, that or the easy way Alexei forgives him.]

You have every right to be pissed off at me. [He sighs heavily and rubs at his forehead.]

God, I feel crazy...

[reargunner]

You want a minute to sit with that? I could use a coffee anyway.

[And he doesn't even have to leave the room to get it this time. Amazing.]

[inthebiblicalsense]

[He tries his best to shoot him a look that isn't quite so withering and shrugs.]

Pour me a cup too, please. There should be enough cream and sugar packets there for the both of us. [And a moment to sit with it probably isn't going to help, but he might have to make another one of his 'help me please' appointments. Except now he has more options to choose from.]

[reargunner]

Sure.

[Abel might not feel entirely settled but Alexei sure feels better. It's like something slotted into place that he couldn't figure out and not being able to understand had been driving him crazy.

He hops off his stool and kisses the back of Abel's head on his way by, getting them both a cup of coffee while the other man thinks over whatever he need to.]

[inthebiblicalsense]

[How nice for you, Alexei. He still is incredibly confused and doesn't know where to go from here. Asking 'how do you view arguments and interpersonal relationships' Sounds so incredibly vague and ridiculous that he can't imagine it.

It doesn't frustrate him that he looks like he's doing better though at the very least. He rests his chin in his hand and sighs, ready for a cup of coffee and a quiet sit with his stupid, overcomplicated thoughts.]

[reargunner]

[He comes back shortly with their drinks, made how they respectively prefer them, and rather than sit down again he leans on the counter and sips carefully at the hot coffee.]

I am angry, you know. [Alexei says then, lowering his eyes to his drink and tilting the cup a little.] Just in case you were fuckin' doubting that.

[inthebiblicalsense]

I already said you had every right to be, I don't think you're not.

[He stares into his own cup, frowning at it and it's heavy sugar, light cream.]

I'm just...trying to figure out how I never realized that so many things are apparently wrong with me.

[reargunner]

[Alexei stays quiet for a minute. He sips his drink, sets the cup down slowly, then taps his fingertips against the side of it.]

I don't know if it's wrong. It just... sounds like you didn't learn any different.

[A frown.]

You were looking for things that weren't there. Or, weren't there for me anyway.

[inthebiblicalsense]

Well you obviously find it weird and childish, that in my mind classifies it as something not normal, which generally means it's wrong. [Which is another indication that perhaps there's something more there in Abel's thought process that might need some further examination.]

I didn't purposefully go looking, it...when I thought about it, followed the course, that seemed likely given my experiences, not just with you, but the whole of them. I don't steer myself towards the most insane possibilities, just the ones that make the most sense to me. [He takes a sip of his own coffee, glancing over at Alexei.]

You know, I had a similar experience with Norton. I...I honestly expected him to ask me to leave when I brought up any kind of feelings, and when I said as much he looked at me like I was crazy.

[reargunner]

[There's definitely something more there - something far beyond Alexei's own ability to address, even if he was the one to initially shine a spotlight on it.

He sips his drink a couple of times to cover the moments he needs to think.]

Now that you know—... Does it help? I mean... does it change anything? To know I've never looked at it as a numbers game?