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[reargunner]

ᴛᴇxᴛ | ᴀᴜᴅɪᴏ | ᴠɪᴅᴇᴏ | ᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ



Leave a message if you want. I'll get back to you when I pick my comm up.

Or I won't.

Comments

[reargunner]

"Has he talked about it with you?"

Because that's an important clarification, and one that will have Alexei immediately rolling his eyes if Jacob tells him that they haven't... because in that case, what a fucking stupid assertion to retort with.

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

He wobbles a hand. "Not directly. Not in a while, at least. It's not something I really want to talk with him about." He chuckles. "Which yeah, doesn't mean shit, but at least he's not going around cheerleading it."

He's not defending Abel by any means, but there are some who do go around with wide open love for this goddamn ship.

[reargunner]

"Psht."

The chuckling is getting on his nerves. He can't even explain why, except that maybe he's taking the topic of conversation a bit more seriously than Jacob is.

"Whatever you say. Just know he's never gonna get me on board with his 'everyone should play nice together even if they don't like each other' crap. There's more than one person here I'd punch in the nose if they got too close to me and they'd deserve it for pissing me off."

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

"Fuck that," he grumbles. "You don't have to do shit with anyone else. Playing nice is for people who have something to prove. You don't have to be nice to anyone."

[reargunner]

"Fucking right I don't."

At least they can agree on that much and it isn't a new concept for Alexei. He has people he likes and doesn't and those he doesn't like sure as fuck know it. There's only one case where his mind has been changed.

Funny what being told you can shoot energy weapons at a guy will do.

"Why the fuck anyone would waste their energy on someone they can't stand being around if they have another choice is beyond me."

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

"Some people like the challenge. Some people are arrogant enough to think they can change someone's mind. And sometimes it works. Just - not on a lot of people," he points out.

[reargunner]

"Wasn't looking for an answer, Jacob."

He idly pats a pocket as if he's searching for a cigarette before remembering where he is and letting his hand drop down again with a sharp huff.

"Some people are just delusional."

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

He shrugs at that, sees him looking, and rubs his temple. He'd like a smoke right now, too. Never really got into the habit much before he came here, but it's soothing in its own way.

"Guess so."

[reargunner]

Another brief pat, and then—

"I'm going for a smoke."

He has a particular spot on deck that's become a favourite, even if he did collapse into a blind panic there fairly recently.

"You can come if you want."

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

He nods.

"Sure. Give me a few. I'll clean up here." No sense in making more work - and he might want one more goddamn drink.

[reargunner]

"Sure."

Whatever he needs to do, Alexei needs a damned cigarette and so he gets up and leaves the lounge, heading up to the usual spot he tends to wander to when he's having a smoke and lighting up without waiting. He can always have another.

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

Jacob's a few minutes behind him, leaning against the railing without lighting up himself.

"You remember that other ship we were on? The cruise, not the - one with the fucked up guy that wasn't the Admiral."

[reargunner]

Alexei arches a brow, then shrugs.

"Sure, I remember. What about it?"

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

"Been thinking about it lately. About how fucked up it was that we all got dumped on some pleasure cruise," he mutters.

[reargunner]

He snorts a little after exhaling a drag, the smoke curling off over the side of the Barge and drifting away.

"Really? Hardly the weirdest thing that's happened around here. Why's it bothering you so much?"

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

"Because it wasn't weird," he explains. "Because it wasn't anything. It was fucking normal, which are the things that mess with with me the most, I think. The reminder that...that kind of stuff is obtainable at home, if we were just a little less trapped."

[reargunner]

"Obtainable for you, maybe."

Not so much for Alexei. Even with the full freedom of what his home city had to offer he still had very few prospects to look forward to. Didn't mean he didn't miss it, though.

"Where are you trying to go with this?"

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

"Yeah, you're right. Obtainable for me in some world," he agrees. "I just - I don't know. The weird shit that happens here - with the shoes and the ice and whatnot - that hurts less than the stuff that could be more normal. Like the cruise. Like this fucking port. Always takes me a while to get my head back on straight after. That's all."

[reargunner]

"Oh, yeah."

So that's it. He shrugs a bit and taps a little ash away over the side of the railing. Alexei tends to find those kinds of things more annoying in the aftermath than not. A little taste of freedom to remind him that he doesn't actually have any. Knowing that Jacob can technically leave any time he wants does add a certain note of hollowness to the concern, but he decides to not lash out with that.

Alexei just closes his eyes for a moment, breathing in deep through his nose.

"Weird shit always ends up feeling like a bad dream after."

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

Jacob knows that he's still trapped here. Going "home" means back into the lion's den, and part of his graduation is knowing he can never return. He has no other place to go, and getting off on any old world is as risky as heading out into a port, only there's no Admiral to fall back on, no papers, no identification, no knowledge of the culture, no anything.

He knows he can leave, but that's a small comfort.

He doesn't look over at him, letting him have his peace.

"Yeah. Breaches are a headfuck like that, too."

[reargunner]

"Haven't really been hit by one of those too badly yet."

Breaches, that is. They've either been avoidable or, like the last one, he simply hasn't been conscious for it. Not to say he's not aware of them happening, but the Narrenschiff being a thing not long after he got on board the Barge still eclipses most other events that have taken place thanks to the Admiral's poor directional skills.

"Probably better that way. I have enough going on without having my head fucked with like that too."

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

Jacob breathes out. "Got - a couple of friends that way. Which helps. But it feels like cheating when the side effect is just another life that makes no sense. My first one? I had some sort of wolf with me but she was also my soul? I don't know. Fucking weird."

[reargunner]

"Having another life stuck in my head sounds like a fucking nightmare to deal with. Hard pass on that."

Even if it did forge new relationships, he'd always doubt that anything about them was real when the life they came from never really existed.

[weaponwithoutpurpose]

"Hopefully you're down for the next one," he remarks. Because those relationships are everything to him, but like all relationships, they're hard fought and hard won. He cherishes them, but he doesn't know if he'd want to go through everything again.

"Last time, though, Ro and I were married," he remarks lightly. "Kinda - got me thinking..."

[reargunner]

"Whatever it got you thinking, that's your personal business."

He's not quite in the right sort of frame of mind to be speculating on things like the future and marriage with any kind of optimism. Alexei just shakes his head.

"If I'm lucky I'll never have to deal with it. But it'll probably get me at some point."