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[reargunner]

ᴛᴇxᴛ | ᴀᴜᴅɪᴏ | ᴠɪᴅᴇᴏ | ᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ



Leave a message if you want. I'll get back to you when I pick my comm up.

Or I won't.

Comments

[inthebiblicalsense]

I- I'm trying not to. I'm talking to you about it, aren't I? And I have talked about it before I brought it up to you. Norton was there with me, and when I mentioned it in therapy, we got sidetrack. But I think you understand a lot more why this bothers me, and I appreciate it, you listening...

[And more than listening, the confidence that Cain has in him, it's hard to talk himself down from it.]

Being disconnected from the Reliant, from things I know I can do... It makes it hard, trusting myself to make the right calls. I put a lot of my worth into my career...and I think maybe I do that because that's just how I was brought up, but with out her, it's difficult, seeing myself, who I am outside of the hotseat. [It's been months, he feels like he should have won back a little more identity, sense of self, but perhaps that's a piece of the puzzle he's been ignoring that he shouldn't have.]

But I'd like to think it will be easier, even if I don't believe in myself... You and Norton both seem to see something I can't. I know I'm stubborn, but I want to be convinced I can see it too.

[reargunner]

[He does understand why it bothers him. Not entirely, maybe, given his own feelings on the situation but he has the context that anyone else would lack. And, in spite of everything... he knows Abel very well.

Cain tugs Abel in close to him and kisses the side of his head, then bumps his forehead there.]

Can't force you to see anything, but I can keep saying it, if that's what you want.

[Because his belief in Abel really is that deep; that unshakeable. Deep enough that he cannot even admit the possibility that he might be dead and that's the real reason he's here. He can't be, because if he is that means Abel failed, and Abel wouldn't.]

You're a whole person outside of the Reliant. Someone who's pretty fucking amazing. Yanno, in my opinion.

[inthebiblicalsense]

[He doesn't talk about this often, just himself, the way he views himself, and it takes him a moment to really take in the fact that this is Cain he's talking to, feeling like he's five feet behind, watching as he's gently pulled closer, that soft kiss, forehead to forehead.

And when he starts talking, Abel swallows hard, suddenly pulled right back in to the present, he's not watching, he's living this, and his breath hitches, opens his mouth to say something, but nothing really comes out. Instead, his eyes start to water, and it's not like he can hide it, Cain is right there.]

I- thank you? Sorry, I don't really- [What do you even say to that? He'd been struggling for months with this, and here Cain is, just telling him he shouldn't even be worrying about it. He's not pulling back, but he is trying to press his palms to his eyes so he can maybe not cry all over him over something so stupid.] You think so?

[reargunner]

Yeah, I think so.

[He's not going to give one of those corny lines - have I ever lied to you?, because god, he has, he's lied a lot, but his voice carries an undeniable sincerity now. Cain hadn't been misleading Abel when he'd told him he was done lying to him.]

Are you kidding me? Anyone who thinks different is a fucking idiot.

[But he can see that Abel's struggling with his emotions. Though he doesn't disengage from him entirely, he does shift back to give him some breathing room.]

[inthebiblicalsense]

[Pressing his palms to his eyes isn't really helping stave off tears, but then Cain goes to move, and one of his hands comes out, catches his shirt, pulls him back. Stay. His grip is tight, though he hadn't yanked him so much as tried to keep him from giving him space.]

Say it again. [And maybe this isn't just about who he is outside of navigating. He's a whole ass person, outside of the Reliant, outside of what Cook and Bering orchestrated, outside of who he was supposed to be and tried to be. He just wants permission to accept it, that's all.]

So I have no more excuses, I- I believe you, It's just hard to accept it.

[reargunner]

[Abel said to say it again, so regardless of what comes next Cain elects to do that. He takes the other man's face in both hands, cradling his palms against Abel's jaw, and looks him directly in the eyes.]

You're amazing. No Reliant, no Alliance, none of any of that shit. Just you. You're amazing, Ethan.

[Cain holds his gaze for a few intense seconds and then knocks their foreheads together gently.]

Ne vazhno, kak medlenno ty prodvigayesh'sya, glavnoye, chto ty ne ostanavlivayesh'sya. [He says quietly, then he shifts back with a smile crinkling his nose and lightly ruffles Abel's hair.] Keep going. You'll get to where you wanna be.

[inthebiblicalsense]

[A few months prior, sitting and talking with Norton he'd said something similar, and yet he hadn't wanted to hear it. There was too much he had been holding on to, and as much as he still thought that Cain shouldn't be here, that he shouldn't be dead, he pulls in a stuttering breath, wiping at his eyes. There is a bubble of a laugh that comes out, half nerves before he turns his head just slightly so he can catch his lips, the softest little kiss before he pulls back.]

I- I have no idea what that means, but... I'm glad you're here with me. [It's not the truth, not all of it anyways, but it's a small admission he can make, dipping his head as his hair is mussed, catching that crinkle of his nose that he kind of loves to see when he smiles.]

I can't stop now, not when I've got you behind me.

[reargunner]

[He leans into that kiss a little but doesn't chase it too far, looking at him as he absorbs everything and turns it over in his head. Cain knows he isn't the cause of all of Abel's self-doubt... but he knows he didn't help much of it either, and he can at least take responsibility for that.]

Damn right.

[Once they both get back home, however it is that that happens, they're going to have a lot to deal with. Cain isn't planning on leaving Abel alone to deal with any of it.]

I've got your back.